How Can I Get Rid of My Shame?

2 Samuel 13:13

Where could I take my shame? And as for you, you would be like one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the King for he will not withhold me from you.

There is something in all of our lives that we tried to avoid and that is shame. Going all the way back to when we were young children, one of the embarrassing things to happen was when an adult caught you doing something wrong and they would say, “Shame on you!” It’s as if someone placed a heavy cloak of condemnation on you. Worse yet was when you were wrong and somebody had to remind you that you should be ashamed because you did it so long you had no shame, "You ought to be ashamed of yourself.”

Whether you were caught in something you regreted or initiated something you should have known was wrong, the question is how do I get rid of my shame?

Amnon was lusting for his half-sister Tamar. He was “In love” with her. He should have had some shame but he had a sly friend named Jonadab who encouraged him in his shameful act. The bible says that Jonadab was very shrewd. Bad company corrupts good morals. Often times what causes us to get into shameful acts is when we allow corrupt people to give us bad advice. Jonadab told Amnon to pretend to be sick so the King would send his sister to cook some food.

When Tamar arrived she cooked bread right outside his bedroom. Amnon was lying in his bed peeping around at his sister, looking at her neck, watching her every move. He didn’t know what was more intoxicating, smelling the fresh bread cooking or watching his sister prepare it. His heart is racing as he is closer to getting the forbidden fruit of sleeping with is sister. There is no shame in his game. Lust has taken over and his spiritual sensibility has been suppressed. Poor Tamar is innocently preparing food trying to help her sick brother, but she doesn’t know how really “sick” he is. Amnon tells all the servants to leave and for Tamar to bring the bread to his bed.

He grabbed her and told her to have sex with him. She reminded him of what he should have been ashamed of.

1) I’m your sister. We could avoid a lot of shame if we treated every woman like our sister instead of a piece of meat.

2) I’m a Virgin. She was trying to save herself for a man who would want her for the rest of her life not just five minutes.

3) Don’t force me to be with you. Stealing Sex is Rape; there is no dignity in rape for victim or perpetrator. There is honor even amongst thieves so much so that when rapists go to jail, they usually end up getting raped. You are not a man if you have to force yourself on a woman, especially a young woman who is a virgin. Lust took over his ability to be rational or moral and he raped his sister.

Both of them were children of the king. She tried to preserve her dignity. His lust didn’t care about what he was about to do to his character or that of his Sister. In desperation she says, “Where can I get rid of my shame?” I won’t be able to get a husband. People will call you a fool and a pervert. People all over town will talk about us. Once you take my virginity I can’t get it back. How can I get rid of my shame?

She says, “Ask the king, my daddy, for my hand in marriage.” There’s a right way of being with someone and a wrong way. He wouldn’t listen and because he was stronger than she, he raped her.

This is how you know it as lust and not love. Verse 15 Then Amnon hated her exceedingly so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Get out!” After he got what he wanted he literally threw her out and locked the door. She went to her brothers Absalom’s house where she lived a desolate woman.

How do we avoid “Shame on us?”

1. Don’t confuse lust with Love. Lust starts with a fleshly craving; Love starts in the heart and wants the best for the other person.

2. Remember you are a child of the King. Your standard is different from everybody else.

3. It is better to marry than to burn. Tamar said, “Ask my daddy for my hand in marriage.” If you “love” somebody so bad then put a ring on it. IF you can’t that’s lust and not love.

4. Don’t bake bread near his bed. If you want to help somebody, help them somewhere besides the bedroom. Shame usually happens in the bed when you are not married.

5. Don’t internalize your shame when shame is on you. When you mess up get the shame off don’t let it get in you. Repent and ask for forgiveness. Don’t walk around punishing yourself.

6. Don’t hide in your brother’s house. Tamar stayed with Absalom a desolate woman. Sister clean yourself up and take your life back. Men clean yourself up and be reconciled to those you hurt and to God.

7. Go back to the king and ask hem to Restore your dignity. The bible says David was angry but he never went to his daughter or his son. When you are a child of the King you have access 24 hours. Go to him.

Dear God, thank you for taking away my shame. I fought as best I could but lust seems to have won. Now help me to restore my dignity and put me back in the presence of the King. Don’t let me be suffocated by my shame but cleanse me with the blood of Jesus.

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen